Todays theme: Letting go.
As we all know, lately I’ve been struggling a bit. I’m exhausted and need to take a break, and the weekends are really the only time I can.
But I also struggle with letting go of control, and letting my husband take over what would be my responsibilities. I like it when things are done my way, and if they’re not done exactly the way I’d do them…it can sometimes create conflict.
My husband sees that I’m struggling lately, and he has voiced many times that he wants to do more to help and to be supportive. I guess it just boils down to me letting him.
So, today, he’s taking the kids over to his moms for a little while and giving me some time to just…be. And I’m going to not try to micromanage every little thing that goes on. Whatever happens happens…and I guess, to a certain extent, I have to be okay with that.
I’m officially in my 3rd trimester now, and I kind of have a feeling that it’s going to be the trimester from hell for me, physically. I absolutely don’t think I’m going to make it to 40 weeks, but I think 34 is my goal. I’m 28 weeks today…so I still have a while to go. (Hopefully.)
I know I’m going to need to start letting go of more and more control and this goes on, because the reality is that I just can’t keep up with my normal pace. I need help, and I need to accept that that help looks different coming from different people.
And if my husband actively wants to help…I need to let him in a way that doesn’t discourage him. Even if that’s hard for me.
There is SO much in my life that is out of my control, so when I can control something, it’s incredibly difficult for me to let go of that.
But today isn’t about control. It’s about letting go. Lately, every time I try to have a day like this, I end up failing, and doing way too much and exhausting myself. But not today. Today, my husband didn’t really give me a choice, he already left with the kids and didn’t give me a choice in the matter. He helped me with chicken/duck chores (another thing I usually just do myself) and off they went.
So, here we are. A day of forced relaxation on the first day of my 3rd trimester. Everything is done, and there’s nothing left for me to do but just…be.
So, be is what I will do. I’ll try not to be sad, or think too much about life and how it’s…just so sad and broken…I’ll try not to think of all the ways I suck and that I’m a failure…I’ll just spend the next few hours trying to be okay.
Even if that feels like a lie.
I’ll just hang out with my ducks (who are huge) and my chicks (who are tiny).
What could possibly go wrong?