Ahhhhggggg!!!! That’s how I’m feeling this morning. Like, I kind of just want to scream a little bit.
Waking up still pregnant this morning was like a punch in the gut. My husband and I both felt the same way…like, just completely devastated that we have to begin another week in our “normalcy”. Him going to work, me home with the kids.
We are both just so freaking ready for something different. The thought of going through the motions of another “normal” day is quite frankly so depressing.
I am glad that we made it through yesterday, through the 9th, but damn. I need a freaking crystal ball or something. Because these unknowns are killing me.
We did originally really want him to be born on the 11th, so maybe that’s his plan after all. Maybe I’ll still go into labor tonight and tomorrow will be his birthday.
I wish I had therapy tonight instead of tomorrow, but I don’t. The one time I actually wish it was on a Monday. I just have a lot of shit to work out, and I do want to go to therapy before he comes and I have to take I don’t know how long off. I’m feeling too many feelings and have so much going on in my head that I don’t know what to do with.
I’ll be 38 weeks tomorrow, and I know my doctor really wanted to induce me last week. I don’t see her again until Wednesday afternoon, at which point she basically said she will look for any clinical excuse to get me admitted if I’m still pregnant.
So, maybe it will Wednesday and I get induced, maybe I’ll go into labor before then, maybe I’ll just be pregnant for the rest of my life. Who knows at this point.
But I’m feeling very done and just very exhausted of this “normal”. I have not slept at all the past few weeks (yes, I know this will not change with a newborn) and I am just completely spent. At least once he’s born I won’t have to pee 47 times a night.
I am ready for my very painful hospital staycation.