Last night was another sleepless night. The night ended with me feeling pretty desperately worthless and just…depressed. And life, my life in particular, wasn’t, isn’t, worth living.
I’m feeling particularly bad this morning, and my feelings of worthlessness and like I’m a horrible person are pretty strong.
Nothing even happened to cause it. I mean, my husband and I didn’t get into a fight, nothing outwardly triggered it.
The only thing that was slightly out of the ordinary was that my husband was more down than usual. He always gets depressed when money is an issue…and lately, it’s an issue.
But I always take it a certain sense of personally. Like…if I were better, if I were more…even when logically, I know that it has nothing to do with me.
The night didn’t get better, and neither of us ended up getting any sleep. My husband started getting some really intense pressure in his ear, what he’s assuming is an ear infection, and the pain just got unbearable as the night went on. So literally neither one of us got any amount of sleep.
He’s at the doctor right now, and I hope they can do something to take care of the pain immediately.
(Oh, fun update, the doctor told him it’s bleeding a lot. His eardrum ruptured. That seems good…)
As for me? I don’t know what I need to do.
Probably, most immediately, I need to stop drinking. It’s gotten so fucking out of hand.
I’m just so glad it’s finally Monday…and I can end my night with therapy. It’s probably the only glimmer of hope that I have.
Just in case you need to hear it from someone else: you are not worthless!! You are valuable, you are important, and you are loved.
Definitely need all the reminders I can get lately. 🩵
GOOD POST 💚💖💯 Blessed and happy afternoon from Spain 🇪🇸 We both grow if we support each other 💯 Greetings 👋
You’re not worthless. Every human being on this planet is special. It’s just that when someone else needs us that this destabilises things for us when we’ve been so dependent on them. I’ve still always been reading your posts and watching your ups and downs but the one thing I’ve noticed is that you always pull through. You are right though – I think if you could stop drinking then this would help improve your finances and at the same time make you feel more in control of your life in the longer term. There’s medication you can get you know from medical professionals to help curb the withdrawal symptoms. Tomorrow’s a new day and I just wanted to reach out to you and tell you that YOU DO MATTER and that there is always someone listening and hearing you. Big hug.
Thank you ❤️❤️ I appreciate it. You’re right, I do somehow always pull through. And I definitely need to focus on drinking less.
You are definitely not worthless. That’s just the voice of depression…don’t listen. You are an amazing person.
Thank you…I hope so. I just wish that voice was a biiiiiiiit more quiet.
I understand that completely. Just know that others see it even if you don’t.