This post will be blunt. And it was hard to write. But it is what it is. Lately, I have one good night a week. Monday nights. Therapy nights. Lately, I wish the weekends away so that Monday comes faster. Because it really, truly, is my one good thing. And I hate that. I hate […]
Last night was another sleepless night. The night ended with me feeling pretty desperately worthless and just…depressed. And life, my life in particular, wasn’t, isn’t, worth living. I’m feeling particularly bad this morning, and my feelings of worthlessness and like I’m a horrible person are pretty strong. Nothing even happened to cause it. I mean,
Do you ever create your own holidays? Or special day? This morning, after breakfast, and the kids were asking what we could do today and how I was going to entertain them… I boldly stated that it was “Special Mommy Day”, and the goal is to “spend all day thinking about how to make mommy
Sometimes, you have to force self care Read More »
There is so little in my life that I have a say in. That I can influence. Or sway. Or…control. My life is…largely…out my of hands. People abusing you. Raping you. Hurting you. People thinking they can do whatever it is that they want to you. To hurt you. Because…I don’t matter. Only they do.
Control? Yeah, sure. Read More »
Yesterday, Phoenix turned 5 years old. I don’t usually recycle words, but I do think I said it best yesterday. To my wild one, the child with more personality than should be allowed to exist in one single body, the most literal and hilarious person I’ve ever met, the child with ZERO filter…and the sweetest
Lately, therapy has been basically exactly what I’ve needed it to be…even when I don’t know what it is that I really need. My life is intense. And getting…more intense. At one point, I just said something along the lines of “I need more help. Or support. Or a long break from all of this”.
You can only suppress your feelings for so long. Read More »
Yesterday, I gave myself the seemingly very impossible task of completing the 60 pages of paperwork that was sent to me by the NIH to complete. Well, I did it. I buckled down and focused, and I did all 60 pages of it. I kicked my husband and kids out so I could focus, and
Accepting what is, even if it sucks. Read More »
Last night before bed, I boldly proclaimed to my husband that I’m not doing a single thing until the 60 pages worth of paper work that was sent to me is completely filled out and sent off. 2 weeks ago, I got a call and was told that our family was officially accepted by the
Unexpected triggers, but getting it done anyway Read More »
I don’t think I’ve ever gone more than 2 days without writing…so I figured I’d force myself to sit down right now and do it. It’s been a chaotic week. At no point, has it gotten any easier. I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I spent most of today in appointments and doctors
Always a fire to put out Read More »
