March 31st.
The last day before April.
Better known as my husbands birthday.
I woke up today wanting to die slightly more than usual. Which, for this time of year, is a whole freaking lot.
I woke up alone, in a hospital room, on a hard, lumpy pull out bed, where my son slept 4 feet away. Hooked up to IVs and high flow oxygen.
I didn’t wake up next to my husband, greeting him with a hug and happy birthday! wishes as soon as his eyes opened.
My 7 year old is in the hospital still, has been for almost a week now. We’re getting closer, but not there yet.
My birth son is turning 10 on Thursday.
A day I’m nowhere near ready for.
I haven’t sent his gift yet. I’ve been stuck here.
That makes me feel like a failure, a bad birth mom. And if I’m not perfect, he’ll never love me, he’ll never want me.
I don’t feel strong today.
Actually, I feel remarkably weak.
Tomorrow is Monday. Where I’ll escape this hospital for a few hours to go to therapy. It’s the only good thing about my weeks lately. My only normal. The only thing that is for me.
My therapist came to visit my son in the hospital a few times, and it was definitely one of the only uplifting things to happen here. She brought him a book and some Easter candy yesterday, since we’re still here for Easter. We celebrate Greek Easter, so it’s not a big deal…but he’s bummed about it anyway.
My family has come up once, but it was “too hard for them” and they haven’t been back.
I don’t know. I’m just in a bad head space. I will be for a while. At least until his birthday is over.
“Too hard for them”?? I have no kind words for them, so I’m going to shut up.
I’m thinking of you first thing when I wake up every day this week. ❤️
Happy Birthday to Derek ✨️
Right? I don’t need them to visit anyway, not baggage I want to deal with. 🤦🏻♀️
My dad said he’d come up and hang out with Christian tomorrow night while I have therapy, so that’s something at least.
Just hoping to be out in the next few days…🤞
Right here, hoping with you 💙
Yeah, I have no sympathy for your parents either. The hospital is not a very exciting place, and visitors help a lot! (A side note: My friends and family better FaceTime me if I get stuck in the hospital after surgery this summer!).
We have funny, weird games we play in the hospital. Like collecting freebies (we have 2 plastic mugs, 3 pair of grippy socks, and one poorly-made pillow!), searching for anything that reminds us of Dr. House, playing the Pokémon trading card game, making up stories about the other patients, sending the non-sick person on a quest for food, etc. I get really goofy in hospitals, because they are so depressing!
Hugs! You’ve got this!
I love your game ideas!
I’ve absolutely been hoarding ALL the hospital freebies. Water bottles, hand wipes, coffee creamers and straws…I have an entire bag full 😂
I love the House idea! I’m totally going to do that.
Sounds like I need you to be my hospital buddy, you’re where the fun is at 😅