Real conversations when you need them the most

Sometimes…the conversations that hit the hardest are quick, short lived, and completely unexpected.

It’s around 10pm. It’s a typical night here, and I’ve made a few drinks according to my specific plan and routine I have for myself. I made a drink, but left it across the room. A few minutes later, I was looking for it and made a comment, light hearted, and joking in nature.

“Shit, that’s why I’m depressed right now, my glass is all the way on the other side of the room!” and I said it with a smile.

My husband, who (per my request) keeps his mouth shut 90% of the time when it comes to me and my struggle with alcohol that I’m (trying) to overcome…(eventually…) he said “no, that drink won’t bring you happiness. That’s not what makes you happy. Don’t even joke about it. Because that’ll change your mentality”

I looked at him, honestly kind of shell shocked by my passive, usually permissive husbands quick words.

And you know me, I made a joke about it real quick.

I took half a sip and smiled real sarcastically big while looking at him, and said “damn, it just got heavy in here real quick”.

He reiterated that he didn’t want me to even joke about it because he didn’t want me to have the wrong mentality about it. Because it truly isn’t the thing that makes me happy.

I gave him some honesty back, and I told him that “my mentality is already fucked. Why do you think I have a good few days, then a bad few weeks? My mentality is already fucked”.

Then we moved on.

But shit, I heard him. And I felt it.

I heard his emotion, his passion to help me succeed in his unsure, subtle…yet direct way.

And it helped. It did.

It made me think twice. Think about his perspective. How he sees things. How he cares and wants to see me see success.

I want to succeed because I know he wants me to succeed. And even though I’ve asked him not to make comments about it, because I don’t want any negative energy directed at him about this, and I feel like I have to go through this on my own….his comment was well received and heard tonight.

And it made me feel a lot less alone in my struggles.