An abundance of chaos

If there’s one thing I’m sure of in life, it’s that our life in particular will just never be boring. It’s always going to be something, and all we can do is buckle up and prepare for whatever comes next.

This week starts off with a Monday, much like all the other ones do. But this universe is quite a different one than I was living in a year ago, or even just a few months ago.

Mondays don’t end with therapy anymore, they don’t hold that same “yay Monday” feeling, and they don’t hold the same hope. Or have that something to look forward to feeling.

It’s okay, it is what it is. Therapy looks different now, my weeks look different now, and that’s okay. Different isn’t bad or worse or something I can’t survive. It’s just…it’s hard.

We’re officially coming up in a year since our trip to the NIH, which was the true beginning of just everything going wrong, one thing after another. By far one of my most traumatizing years, and not something I have in any way even begun to successfully process.

I was supposed to have therapy tomorrow night, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen. There’s no way I can afford the $200 for it right now. Next month might be a different story, I *should* have insurance starting in March, which will help a little bit…but for now, things are just really impossible.

My mom fell yesterday while she was working. She’s a home health physical therapist and is currently only working 1 or 2 days a week, but she fell on a patients uneven driveway yesterday and got pretty cut up she busted her lip, which is pretty much completely split open, her hand and some other injuries. I feel bad. I hate when anyone gets hurt, but especially like that.

It definitely could’ve been worse, and I’m glad she’s mostly okay (didn’t break anything), but she’s pretty banged up.

We did have a proper birthday party with family and cake for my son yesterday, which he was happy about. We put his candles in a separate cupcake for him though, because I don’t believe in blowing out candles on a communal cake…especially when the flu is circulating around our house.

You know sick season is in full swing when we have to pull out all stops to make sure the kids stay out of the hospital. Shaky vests, suction machines, whatever it takes.

Thankfully, Atlas loves his shaky vest, so it’s no struggle to get him to stay on it for the full time. So far, Phoenix has been the only one with the actual flu, while the rest of us passed around a cold. Atlas struggles enough with just a cold, so we’re really hoping he can stay away from anything orse.

Today is a weird day. It’s a day that wants to feel a lot like my previous normal did. It wants to end with therapy, it feels like it needs to. It probably hurts so much more today because I know I’ll probably have to cancel therapy for tomorrow because of stupid money. And that just feels really unacceptable to me.

It’s a hard season. But we roll with it. It is what it is, and I’ll get through it.

I feel like shit, not gonna lie. But I’m just going to accept my roll as a damn jellyfish in this universe. Stuff happens, and you just need to go with wherever it decides to take you.