A real day 1. So far.

Okay. I’m going for it tonight. It’s only 8pm, and I’m hurting like hell right now, but I’m going to try to make tonight the night where I don’t drink anything.

I’ve tapered down for the past 3 nights as much as I could. But tonight, between the significant cravings and the physical withdrawal symptoms, I know if I attempt to drink a small amount to “decrease”, it will backfire and I will drink my typical amount, if not more.

So I cannot safely taper down tonight. It would backfire.

Tonight sucks, and honestly, I don’t know if I will be successful. But I’m trying. And trying is more than I’ve done in 7 months. So I guess even that is a small win.

I don’t expect perfection. I accept failure as a part of the path that I’m on. But I’d just like to see some success before I fail. Just to taste it.

Like I said. The withdrawals really suck tonight. The shakiness, the racing heart, the subtle but constant headache…yeah. I know what all of that means.

My sugar intake is off the charts the past few days. My body is freaking out, and replacing the sugar and the dopamine from alcohol, with sugar. It’s actually a real thing, I looked it up yesterday when I just could not stop eating chocolate. But, yeah. My body is going through it. And at this moment, I think chocolate is probably healthier than all the alcohol I tend to consume.

Writing helps. Talking helps. I tried to do it silently and secretly last time, afraid of failure. But that didn’t work.

So we’re writing. Not talking about it in “real life”, but…I’m here. I’m writing.

And I’m trying to make today a real day 1.