Doing the damn thing

Yup. I’m still going strong here. Well, okay. Not strong at all, actually. I feel like a dumpster fire, the withdrawal headaches are the worst today they they have been so far, and I honestly want to give up just to stop the pain.

I haven’t had anything to drink since late night March 18th. That puts me at peak withdrawal symptom time today, and I’m sure feeling it.

Honestly, that’s the only thing stalling my progress at this moment. The pain. The withdrawals. It’s fucking brutal.

I haven’t been intentionally sober in 15 years. Aside from pregnancy and shortly after…I haven’t been sober at all.

So…I expected this to hurt. I didn’t taper well enough or long enough, and I just jumped in. I was…rightfully worried that another night or a few more nights of tapering would be too tempting, and I’d just drink normally.

Alcohol is by far the most dangerous thing to have withdrawals from. More dangerous than most any drug or anything else. It can be life threatening. I think I’m out of the most dangerous window for things like delirium tremors and stuff like that…but the way I’m feeling today? It’s pretty awful.

I’m almost considering drinking a small amount just to stop the physical pain and cut back the withdrawals. I honestly don’t know if that will help, or if that will just start the clock all over again, and it will reset the cycle.

I’m in pain, I’m definitely suffering…but I’m doing the damn thing. For all it’s worth.