When it rains it pours here. And oh, is that exactly what it’s doing. My post on Thursday detailed my own semi medical emergency that I was going through, and just as I had FINALLY agreed to go to the ER to be seen on Friday…guess what happens? I get a call from my son’s […]
April showers? More like constant storms! Read More »
While I have spent the past 6 days emotionally recovering from the bullshit that life can sometimes be…I was handed yet another curveball. As you may or may not know (but you probably do, let’s be honest), me and my 3 kids suffer from an insanely rare, and in fact non existent outside of our
Bleeding from…where??! Read More »
This past week has truly been…unfathomable. It’s been hard. And heartbreaking. And lonely, and brutal, and so on. I’ve been shut down. Because any alternative has honestly been too much to consider. I feel broken and…yeah. Just broken. I had therapy tonight after a truly horrific day. While I don’t yet have the words or
Today was awful. For every single reason. My heart does t have it in me to go into any kind of detail. But… Tornados. Flash floods. Horrible anxiety provoking weather…that continues to tomorrow late afternoon. And that was honestly just the welcomed distraction. My birth son turned 11 years old today. It was an awful
I hate today because of what tomorrow is. It already feels so heavy, the tidal wave of grief is already starting to flood in. Tomorrow is my birth son’s 11th birthday. A day that consumes me with grief and depression every single year. I don’t have a plan for tomorrow, I don’t know how I’m
The grief always comes Read More »
On April 4th, 2023, my birth son turned 10 years old. An obviously important and huge milestone. For both him and for me. Also on this day, a baby goat was born, who we would pick up and take home with us 2 days later. My birth son and this goat, who I intentionally got
It has been a journey. A long, and at times impossible one. But I’m here. I’m feeling better physically, but as far as my mental health as it pertains to literal brain chemistry? Yeah. I’m still on the struggle bus. Alcohol was the dopamine that fueled my body. I do not have an ounce of
The best I can do for now. Read More »
I feel like I’m caught in between two realities I don’t quite fit into anymore. Two worlds I have no business being a part of. An old and a new. A past and a future. And I’m not sure I belong on either side. The anxiety tonight is intense. The physical pain of the withdrawals
If I knew how much this was going to physically hurt, I wouldn’t have done it. The headache has been unrelenting. I can’t sleep, except for during the day, when all I want to do is sleep. Everything inside of my body feels wrong. And it hurts. I didn’t expect sobriety to be easy…but I
Harder than I thought Read More »
Yup. I’m still going strong here. Well, okay. Not strong at all, actually. I feel like a dumpster fire, the withdrawal headaches are the worst today they they have been so far, and I honestly want to give up just to stop the pain. I haven’t had anything to drink since late night March 18th.
Doing the damn thing Read More »
