What does it mean when I honestly don’t know what’s okay and what isn’t?
I know the difference for other people, there is no grey area there. I know how to treat other people, I can clearly see the boundaries for anyone but myself. I have a firm grasp on right and wrong, appropriate or not, for anyone other than myself. I’m the first one to stand up for someone else. I’m the one that wouldn’t let anyone in my life take shit from anyone else.
But when it comes to me, I honestly feel like no matter what someone does to me, it isn’t wrong. I deserved it. I’m making too big of a deal out of it. Nothing really happened.
I don’t deserve to even claim to have been hurt. I don’t deserve the space to even consider it a possibility.
This shit wouldn’t keep happening if it wasn’t my fault.
No one is at fault, I’m to blame. I did something wrong. I deserve this.
Except if it happened to you? It would be fucking unacceptable. And you’re absolutely not to blame.
I wish I could believe it wasn’t my fault. I wish I could believe that it actually was a big deal.
If I could for you, why can’t I for me?