When it hurts too much for words

Sometimes, things just hurt so much, that there’s nothing I can do or say that could even make sense. There aren’t enough adequate words to apply to how I’m feeling, so it just doesn’t seem right to even try.

That’s how I feel right now. Everything hurts, and there aren’t the right words for it. I don’t want to write, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to exist.

I don’t feel strong enough to get through this alone, and alone is exactly how I feel. Things shouldn’t be this hard, this painful, this…impossible.

I feel stuck and trapped in an infinite loop of wrong answers and pain. And the more I try to fix it, the more I try to convince myself that things will be okay again….the more it hurts when I’m proved wrong.

It hurts. There’s little I can say about it, other than that.

This just fucking hurts. And I feel so, impossibly fucking helpless to it.

I want things to be okay. I want them to be good. More than anything, I desperately need the normalcy and the hopefulness to exist again. But I’m starting to doubt that that will ever be possible.

And that very doubt is more painful than I’d like to admit.

5 thoughts on “When it hurts too much for words”

  1. I understand where you’re coming from, and I have struggled with a lot of the same feelings. Some days are better, some are worse. Something that you thought you worked through sometimes pops up again months later. It is frustrating and exhausting. But, if you can look back to a couple of months ago and honestly say that you are doing better now than you were doing then, no matter how small, then you’re doing great. Every victory is a victory for us. Do not bind yourself to the idea you have of your old self by trying to make things “the same as they were before.” The things you went through were painful, healing is hard, but if you let yourself learn and heal you will be an even stronger person that you were before it happened. You can’t tell a butterfly not to cocoon just because you’re afraid of change. Don’t punish yourself by trying to stay a caterpillar. Hang in there. You’ve got this.

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