Anxiety won today

Hello anxiety. Today you took root and didn’t let go.

A simple (permanent) change in my schedule was enough to cause physical panic. Tomorrow begins a new therapy schedule, Friday mornings (and Tuesday evenings), but it threw me off more than I’d care to admit.

I was short tempered, I was panicked, I was feeling out of place. All day. All day I failed to overcome what I knew was a result of this change.

I don’t know why you broke me today, anxiety. I wish alcohol wasn’t my solution for you, but it works unfortunately well.

When you live your life hour by hour…even minute by minute…a permanent schedule change is enough to overwhelm me. There’s no time for adjustments.

Nap schedules, babysitting, therapies, routine…a change in my life and it’s all thrown off. Nothing is simple when you’re a parent, let alone a parent with children who have a higher level of needs.

You beat me today, anxiety. You made me unkind and harsh and short. You convinced me to drink you away.

Today, you got the best of me. But tomorrow you will not.

And if you do? Well, I guess that’s a great thing to talk about in therapy.

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