Too much to say, too much to feel.

I wrote half a post earlier. I didn’t like it. I wrote in my book shortly after. I didn’t like that either.

Tonight was a lot. My husband came with me to therapy and we only got home an hour ago. I feel everything and I don’t know where to even begin. Apparently, I’ve tried twice and didn’t like how it came out. Even in writing, I can’t get my thoughts together tonight.

I’ll try to collect myself a bit more tomorrow. But for tonight…I just don’t know. I don’t want to sugar cost ugly truths. But honestly I’m too confused to know what’s sugar coated and what’s just facts at this point.

I do know that I spent the drive home in tears and blasting music. Then he texted me (we drove separately, he came straight from work) telling me how much he loved me.

I’m just so tired. I’m tired of fighting for us, I’m tired of carrying the weight of the world, I’m exhausted.

There comes a point where I’m too tired to keep going. Where I’m too tired to care for those around me, and the people who “ love me” need to step up.

I’m at that point. I’m there now, and unless things change, I don’t know.

I don’t have more elegant words right now. I’m spent. In every sense of the word. I’m just…..

Like I said. Too much to say, too much to feel. I don’t even know where to begin. Did I mention he’s coming back for another joint session in 2 weeks?

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