Oh, Sunday evening. Almost as bad as a Monday morning, but not quite. The weekend went too quickly, as they always do.
It’s almost time to put the kids to sleep and my husband and I will finally get the quiet alone time together that we desperately need. Last night we had to be around others “socializing”. That went….well something definitely happened, but I’ll write about that later.
It’s nights like this, where I desperately want the time, want the love and to utilize all of the time we have together…but I’m just so tired. I have not slept more than 4 hours a night in about a week. The nightmares have been messing with me again amongst other things.
My body is run by coffee and replaced nightly with alcohol. The cycle is exhausting…literally.
The constant battle between exhaustion and my other needs – the need for positive interaction, the need for fun, the need for peace…it almost seems like I have to choose. I can’t have both. And even if I did pick sleep over time together, there is little chance I would even succeed.
I hate going to sleep. I hate having to admit that the night is over. The mental load of the coming week, the next day even, is enough to make me not want to nights to end. That definitely doesn’t help anything.
I guess tonight the cycle will continue. I’ll pump my body full of uppers and downers, hoping to find a mixture that allows for happiness instead of pure exhaustion.
When it comes down to it, the choice is easy. Quality time with someone I love is the easy choice, and I’d pick it every time. If only my body would agree.