*****this post is in absolutely, literally in NO way, directed at the one person who I don’t feel this way about. You are the exception, you always have been.******
Amongst other things, December is a time for pregnancy announcements. I think I know of at least 5 this month already. Some on their first…but most on their third baby, like I would be.
For the majority of people, announcements like this don’t bring pain. At most, they spark some annoyance, but most people don’t feel actively hurt by this.
After my first son was born and placed for adoption, I fell into the group of people that was very triggered by other peoples pregnancies. That lasted for about 3 years, until I got pregnant again with my second son.
As soon as I got pregnant with him, all of those feelings about everyone else around me who had the audacity to get pregnant, went away.
But now…seeing everyone around me getting pregnant…it’s killing me.
My husband and I have been actively talking about having another baby now. It’s something we both desperately want, and now is the time to do it.
Seems like an easy problem. I physically can get pregnant, we both want a baby…so, no issue. Right?
Sure, maybe not biologically. But me and my wonderful genetic combination does not bode well for myself or any children of mine. And we just don’t know the odds of it being passed on again.
Both me and my kids suffer from an incredibly rare genetic disorder, similar to muscular dystrophy. Their lifespan is…not likely to bring them into their teenage years, and that’s being incredibly generous. We are the only ones with this specific variant of this gene, so there is really not much information out there for us. We don’t know what our future looks like.
Anyway…that being said…
So far, at least 2 of my kids have been blessed with my faulty gene.
That makes the “let’s have another baby” conversation a bit more tricky.
This is something we’ve been talking about and trying to figure out for a year now. I was supposed to have an appointment this morning with a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor to figure out our options, but she’s no longer in network with my insurance.
I guess this a long explanation to the simple fact that I so desperately want to have a baby right now. And it hurts seeing everyone around me doing to very thing I wish I was.
So, if you ever find yourself in a position where you’re announcing a pregnancy, and someone in the room suddenly looks like they want to die…
Just know that not everyone is in a position to be happy about something like that at that moment. It isn’t about you, it’s about them. They are happy for you, but it’s a harsh reminder of their reality for them.
(Interesting side note…last night after yet another evening of going to bed upset after seeing ANOTHER one of my friends being pregnant…I was about to take my pill (birth control) and my husband, out of nowhere, grabs my hand and tells me not to take it.
I told him that’s dumb, it’s fine. But he was very genuine and really meant it. He took it from me and told me he didn’t want me to. I took it anyway because I don’t want it to be a decision he regrets…but we’ll see where that goes, I guess.)