Last night, I should have had therapy….one I was looking forward to in particular…but she cancelled it mid day.
Since last Friday was Good Friday, we also did not have that session. That means it’ll be nearly 2 weeks since appointments, when I typically go twice a week.
Any time she cancels it changes my mood and leaves me feeling a certain kind of empty, but especially how things have been going lately…I really needed to go and to have it go well.
I was going to have her read the post I wrote yesterday and go from there…wherever that went.
Plus, there’s been a few serious and heavy topics that have not been discussed yet….here or otherwise. So I was looking forward to..attempting to get that off my chest, too.
It seems like every time she cancels, which isn’t that often, but life happens so it’s going to happen sometimes, it comes when things are particularly tense, or when there was already a skipped session due to a holiday or vacation or whatever. It just always seems like it comes at the worst possible time.
I won’t lie, it does hurt. And I don’t know what it is about it that hurts, exactly…it just…does. Like I said before, it leaves me feeling a very certain kind of empty. Or alone, or scared or…I don’t know. It’s a weird feeling.
I’ve had an extremely rough day, and I’m struggling to get through it. I’m now sitting at my kids therapy sessions while one is in OT and one is in PT. Then they’ll switch.
A 4 hour therapy day, typical for a Wednesday. I wish I felt equipped to deal with the shittiness that happened today. I wish I had my own therapy last night because I think I would’ve (hopefully) started the day feeling stronger. And therefore feeling more…able…to handle the shit that’s going on.
My sister, AKA the devil, is coming tomorrow to “visit” for 2 weeks. If you know anything about her, you know that I hate her. Like, truly. She abused and tortured me for my entire life, and the fact that she still has to exist in some aspect of my life really fucks me up.
I’m just not feeling good. Everything is hard all at once, and feeling alone it all of this sucks. Watching my kids struggle on top of it sucks too.