If it’s not one thing it’s another.
Alcohol turns to pills turns to….whatever else it turns to. The addict brain doesn’t discriminate in the ways that one may alter it.
Escape this…sobering feeling. Escape, escape, escape. Can’t be stuck with myself, not with my thoughts or my feelings or my emotions.
Anything to escape.
Chasing the feeling.
I’m at war with myself for everything out of my control. That’s when the addict brain kicks in.
Control…so I can lose control. Drink so I don’t feel. Or is it so that I finally can feel? Permission to feel my feelings? Experience them for how they really are?
It doesn’t matter what you’re after. If you keep chasing it…you’ll never catch up. You’ll never catch it quite how you want to.
But you’ll chase it anyway.
You’ll try anyway.
My short term solution to my long term problems.
When will my brain ever learn?