Monster Made From Madness

I’m a monster made from madness.

Created, not born.

You don’t become what I’ve become under circumstances you’d consider ideal.

It took a lot to get me here…not a day lived “normally” in any of my 28 years.

Abuse, pain, no protection, no love or safety or feelings of home…

Just fear, abandonment, and isolation.

A child living in that pure and utter chaos can no longer really be considered a child…can they? Forced to grow up…forced into pure survival mode…there was never time to feel. Only time to react to the constantly changing weather.

The ones who were supposed to love me, supposed to protect me…they’re the ones who have hurt me the most.

Scars left at their hands, both physical and emotional.

The “loving” people who, really, just ended up hurting me, raping me, and abusing me instead of protecting me. I never would have guessed.

It’s no wonder I became who I became.

I’m a monster made from madness. I didn’t want this chaos. I didn’t ask for this.

Is it too late to change the monster I’ve become? If I’ve been created from the chaos, can it be undone by safety and love?

For ever thousand lies I heard I’ll need to hear a million truths.

Are you willing to tell me a million truths? Should anyone really have to?

Would it even make a difference?

2 thoughts on “Monster Made From Madness”

  1. If I can have a million day 1’s, then I can definitely tell a million truths…The first of which is that you are not a monster. You are still that scared child who was forced into that unspeakably horrible situation. All that remains for you to do is love that child and patiently–very patiently–allow her to heal. And be kind to her when she makes mistakes and throws the occasional tantrum. Hugs!

    1. Thank you ❤️
      Every day is a chance to start over. It’s just hard to imagine a life that can be different – better even, sometimes.

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