Ready for things to be better now

I am pretty over all of this sick season.

My 6 year old and 4 year old have been sick back to back pretty much since Thanksgiving. We took all 3 kids to the doctor yesterday where they got breathing treatments and chest xrays. My 6 year old has a double ear infection and bronchiolitis. They tested negative everything else.

Except for my 8 week old baby, who tested positive for rsv.

Shit.

If you don’t know, rsv is basically a common cold in adults, but in infants and children under 2, it is incredibly dangerous.

My kids have a genetic disorder that is similar to muscular dystrophy. That means that they are already especially high risk for any respiratory illness, let along something like RSV.

Right now, he isn’t in the hospital. But we’re still early on in the progression of this sickness and that can quickly change. I’m just a few minutes, we’re heading back out to the doctor so she can monitor his breathing. Our pediatrician is amazing and I trust her completely, we’ve been through a lot together in my 6 years of knowing her. She’s going to see the baby in her office every day to make sure he doesn’t need to be hospitalized.

Shockingly, truly shockingly, I am not sick. I don’t know why or how, but damn. I’ll take any win I can get.

I was able to make it to therapy last night which was my goal for the week. It’s been sporadic just because of it being December, so I was not about the miss another week unless I really needed to.

We talked about allowing for the possibility of things being good, and trying to allow myself to feel happy about the possible situation with my birth son. Ugh. It still feels gross. I don’t know why it’s so hard. But my thoughts just immediately go negative and scary. I’m just sure I’m going to get hurt and it’s going to be more than I can deal with.

But I know that’s jumping too far ahead, and right now I just need to look at what’s right in front of me, and just try to allow for the possibility that things can be good.

Well, it’s time for me to leave for the doctor. Hopefully we come home and don’t need to go to the hospital. To say that this is scary is an understatement.

I just want him to be okay.