Today was one of those days that just started off horribly. I woke up abruptly from a nightmare, to a real life nightmare. At least, that’s what it felt like.
Yesterday we had some horrible storms and massive flooding in our area. Yet, I still had to drive my son to school, and my other 2 sons to therapy. The rain doesn’t give a crap about my schedule. I thought I was going to die at multiple points yesterday, but I didn’t. So…I guess that’s a win?
The roads are still a mess today with debris from yesterday. It looked like how I feel on the inside right now. Like, a storm just hit, there’s chaos and branches and tree limbs everywhere. There’s no cell service or internet, so you’re on your own dealing with it. Isolated, alone, chaos.
That’s what I’m feeling like today. Just really…bad.
The circumstances of the morning (which, blah blah blah, my son was an asshole, my husband got upset with him for throwing his breakfast at me, etc…etc…) lead me to not have enough time to drink coffee before I had to drive him to school.
And if you know ANYTHING about caffeine and addiction…it’s that holy shit do you get a bad headache if you’re late with your coffee. So now I have a caffeine withdrawal headache. And it sucks.
To be honest, I’m having the kind of day where I want to spend all day drinking. It’s still stormy and gloomy out, I had a bad morning, I’m feeling triggered and sad and alone…and it’s just a bad feeling.
I’m sitting here writing this sitting on the floor next to the chicks, and my 4 year old son just came and sat on my lap and told me that he loved me, and that I’m the best.
On the days when I don’t want to fight, I know I still have to.
Some days are hard. Some days, I feel like a tornado ran through my body and left me broken and a mess.
And some days feel like the go from one nightmare to another.
But I can still make good choices. I can still stick to my goals.
Today feels bad. But it’s still early, and I can still try to make it a better day.