Get out of your own way

Tuesdays are becoming my favorite day to post. They are the days I’m able to decompress and talk about how therapy went the night before.

And lately, recapping how therapy went has been a really positive thing, as opposed to how it sometimes was in the past, when it was strenuous and stressful and I was feeling like a complete failure.

I finished my coloring page, so I guess that’s the theme of the week this week. Getting the hell out of my own way.

We talked about ways that I do get in my own way, and how to…stop doing that.

And did you know I’ve been doing laundry wrong this whole time? Apparently, you’re supposed to put the folded clothes back into the basket and then put them away. So you don’t have to make a million trips back and forth across the house with all the different piles. Did you guys know this? Mind blown. Never even considered it.

So, while therapy went well last night, I now have a whole week to be incredibly anxious about next week. Next week, we’re going to do things differently (which is already enough to freak me out). Basically, I have my routine. And I’ve gotten really good at that. Things are familiar and more or less predictable, and that’s where I’m happy. Anything slightly off or different and it reallllly stresses me out.

So therapy next week will be different, and we’re going to go to a park and sit on a bench. We’ve talked about doing this for a while, and it’s never happened. But next week (assuming it doesn’t rain (it won’t)) that’s the plan. We’re going to work on observing people without forming opinions (like oh, that’s so cute. Or, oh, I wonder why they did that). I’m pretty good at observing how I feel without judging, but when it comes to other people, I’m not nearly as good at observing without forming an opinion. It’s an important skill to have when you’re working on mindfulness, and we’re trying no to work on mindfulness before we do some other work in therapy.

It will definitely force me out of my comfort zone, I don’t love being out in public, or doing things that I’m not used to. Like I said, I’m really good at my routine, at my familiar places.

I know she’s right, and I know this will be good for me…even if it does create a shitstorm of anxiety.

I know I’ve said it a lot lately, but I really am grateful for how things are going. Because it has been so different in the past, I know things can be different. So it definitely makes me appreciate it when it’s good.

So, I learned the correct way to put laundry away, I finished my coloring page, and we’re going to the park next week. Sounds like a great night to me.

This week, I’ll keep working on getting out of my own way. I’ll try to recognize and look for the ways that I do, and I’ll try to stop doing it.

Easier said than done…but it’s a start.