Do you ever just wake up and feel a certain…moral opposition to the day? I woke up this morning, and I was simply offended. Like, how dare this day exist like this today. Sort of like how Monday didn’t feel like Monday this week, I guess Friday doesn’t really feel like Friday either.
I really don’t know why I’m so offended by the idea of today, but it seriously just feels gross.
Honestly, the weather probably plays a role. I was hot all night, I feel gross and want to shower after being sweaty all night, and I just feel like not my best self.
On a completely unrelated note, for only like the second time since the baby was born 7 and a half months ago, I got my period. I decided I don’t really love that, so I finally started the birth control prescription I’ve had for months.
Because life isn’t ✨spicy✨ enough right now, I thought I’d fuck around with my hormones too. 🙃
Last night we found out that we got approved for the loan to buy the 3 acres of land we want right next to my parents property. That…terrifies me. I was almost hoping we wouldn’t get approved. Because now, the balls (kind of) in our court. We make the next move. And that’s terrifying.
I want this land more than I’ve ever wanted anything. It feels like the first step in a real future for us, where we’re not just stuck with my parents.
But it’s a lot of money and a commitment I’m afraid to make. Right now I just…get what I want when I want it without thinking too much. That’s definitely something that will have to change if we do this.
I’m absolutely sure it’s the best move for our family long term. It’s the first real step towards our forever. And I know if we don’t do this, we’ll be filled with regret.
So, yeah. It’s scary, but it’s also…maybe….good.
Anyway, drinking. Because we all love a good update on that, right?
My goal this week in therapy was to have 2 nights this week where I drink “less” than the goal we have set. I usually end up drinking less on Mondays because that’s when I have therapy, and I don’t get home until like 8:20pm, and I’m usually exhausted. So I just kind of naturally drink less on Mondays.
So that’s means I needed another day this week to drink “less”. I tried to make that be last night, and I think I succeeded. I drank half an ounce less than usual, and I didn’t make an extra drink after that. So I guess that is technically successful. Who knows. At least I didn’t drink more.
It’s been a weird week. Monday didn’t feel like Monday, today doesn’t feel like Friday, who knows what the weekend will be like.
I’m working harder to get my shit back on track after just a few really bad weeks. Yesterday was…more or less successful. I’m hoping today can be too.
Today is going to be weird. I guess I’ll be putting an official offer on some land today. Terrifying…but exciting.
But also scary. Wish me luck.