But first, therapy.

Tonight, we will make the 2 hour drive to my hotel room before my 6am flight tomorrow morning.

It’s officially day 1 of my trip, and I sure do have a lot of feelings about it all.

But first, therapy.

Last night went about exactly how I needed it too. I knew my husband needed to come, because…quite frankly, there’s always a lot to discus. But I absolutely did not want him there the entire time this time…not when I’ll be away traveling for the next 2 weeks and I have so much on my mind and in my heart that I know I need to get out.

So we spent the first hour with my husband talking about different things, in particular our oldest son, and just discussing how to navigate and manage him and his difficult behaviors a little bit better. I think we’re finally starting to get more of a grasp on the situation….hopefully…but it’s always good for him to come just so we can be sure we’re on the same page.

After the first hour, I kicked him out. I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t want him there the whole time.

We spent the second hour mostly talking about my youngest son and his most recent health issues, and of course, my trips.

How they’re going to be awesome and that I’m so excited to be going…but also how I’m terrified of both of them and what they represent. To clarify, I’m going on 2 trips right back to back. The first one is to Disney World for 4 days with 13 other strangers (long story, I’ll explain that more again tomorrow), and then 11 hours after I get home from THAT trip, I’ll be flying out again, this time with my husband and baby, to go see my best friend who I haven’t seen in wayyy too long.

The trip to Disney is going to be heavily adoption themed. It’s for birth moms, and it’s just…it will be a lot. So we talked about that, and what that means, and all of the anxieties surrounding it.

My therapist encouraged me to let them know me. To be more than just a listening ear to everyone else, and to actually share my story. That’s shockingly hard for me to do, especially when it comes to adoption. I just don’t like talking about it.

Well, I’ve now spent the past over an hour in the doctors office with my 10 month old, and I am not having a fantastic morning.

But therapy went well. Last night went well in general.

I’m halfway packed, I’m stressed and anxious and it’s been a longgg morning.

I am ready to get out of here and escape real life for the next few weeks.