This morning was a rough one. A really, really rough one.
Again.
And I’m not going lie, it’s starting to feel like I’m losing the war.
I am tired. Literally. Physically, emotionally, mentally…I’m just so done.
I can’t keep waking up at 4am. I can’t keep having these same battles, day after day.
For a few years now, I have been quite sure that my 4, almost 5 year old, has some degree of autism. And honestly, I think that’s playing the largest role in this fucked up sleeping situation. He’ll wake up, at ANY time in the middle of the night…2, 3, 4…it doesn’t matter. And turn on the light. Wake up his brother. And start playing. Neither of them go back to sleep once they’ve woken up.
So they’re always tired.
And tired kids are grumpy.
And I’m always tired.
And a tired mom is even more grumpy.
I love that child more than anything in the world. He’s the sweetest, most loving, happy go lucky little shit that there is.
But god DAMN does he drive me nuts sometimes.
If you know me, you know that this boy has my heart. I’ll always be HIS best friend, and there’s not shortage of love pouring out of him. I do have a hard time being angry or upset with him. But I am just So. Damn. Tired.
It has also been a CONSTANT, on the go kind of week. The boys have therapy every single day in the afternoon. Multiple hours a day of PT, OT or speech. That’s our normal. But it gets hard when the other appointments pile up. This week and last week, EVERY single morning, someone has had something.
Pediatrician appointments, dentist appointment, therapy, swallow studies…it’s just been constant go go go.
Which means Atlas hasn’t had time for naps. And again, today, he won’t get a proper. Sure, he’ll fall asleep in the car, but a 20 minute nap isn’t enough to get him through the day.
Ugh. It’s just a busy life, with no sleep and little help. I just need more help I think. Everything is my responsibility, lays on my shoulders. It’s hard to fit everything in while still meeting everyone’s needs…including my own.
So I’m just feeling a little…or a lot…burnt out.
I just have to make it through the day.
That’s so hard, especially when everyone is tired! Do Christian and Phoenix HAVE to share a room? Maybe if Phoenix had his own space, he wouldn’t wake up anyone else? Or could you give him a cool looking clock with a dim light that you can teach him that the time has to be at least 6 or whatever, before he can turn on the lights?
I’ve considered putting one of them in the laundry room to keep them apart, but I think that might be frowned upon 😂😂
Honestly I think we’re really just stuck until we get into our own house. Which still seems like it’s years away. And it is QUITE frustrating.
Beautiful ❤️
I remember being that way as well. I would wake as a kid, feel rested and go do my thing. Mum even had to lock the door as I’d be up and running at 4 as well. So I got two clocks. A real one and a fake one. The fake one was set at 6. When the real one looked like the fake one, it would be time to leave the room and play in the house. Till that time, I had to play in my room or try to sleep some more. 😊 It got better as I got older but my adhd/autism definitely needed less sleep (than I do since getting the fibro). Hope you can find a solution. Maybe there’s a form of help in/around the house available for you in your unique situation? I know there’s several options here of support for parents with special needs kids. 😊
I think it’s a really common issue with a neurodivergent brain. The clock thing is definitely a good idea. But yeah I really do need to reach out and see what resources are available for me. Cause this sucks lol.
👍🏻 You’re welcome. The double clock helped me to see and understand I was up too early. It didn’t always keep me quiet but it did help me some. 😊 And yeah here’s there’s different sorts of supports for special needs kids so maybe where you are there may be something you could use as well. 😊 Hope there is and they are available to you.