“Properly depressed”

Today, all I want to happen is to allow myself to have a break, some down time, or maybe even an actual day off.

Countless times, I have told my husband that “I wish I could just have the time to be properly depressed, lay in bed and do nothing for a while”.

It’s been a rough week in many ways. Physically, my body has been screaming at me to rest. This flare up has not gotten better, and I’m pushing myself way too hard. Mentally, it’s been rough because of everything going on at home, because things have been a little tense between my husband me I, and because I’ve had all 3 kids home for the past few days with no school.

All I want today is to be the one being taken care of. I want my husband to go out of his way to allow me to rest, to take care of me, to bring me coffee and pat me on my head and tell me I’m a good girl while doing all of the things that need doing, that I normally do. To allow me to be properly depressed.

Sure, I could say “deal with the kids today, I’m tapping out!”

But I don’t want to. I want him to make me feel like I can. He recognizes and acknowledges that I do need a break, but I want him to be the one to make sure it happens.

I don’t know why. I guess because then I feel like I can. Like I’m not a horrible person for wanting to do nothing and rest and let my body have a chance of recovering from this messed up flare up.

Yes, today, I want to lay in bed and be properly depressed. Without interruption. Unless it’s for chocolate or coffee or puppies.

Is that so much to ask for?

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