Finding the wins, even when they’re hard to find.

Sometimes, life gets rough. And it gets you down.

And it can be incredibly hard to keep going and keep fighting when it seems like everything that happens, ends poorly.

That’s how it’s felt for me lately. Everything is hard. Everything I do is wrong. These things just keep happening. Truly horrible things. My newly 1 year old son’s health is…bad. We’re bordering on emergency intervention here (and we’ll find out more in Tuesday).

My marriage got realllll shaky for a few weeks there, I started pushing friends away, the physical pain I’ve been in has been RELENTLESS, and it just kept piling on.

But it’s times like these. Where EVERYTHING is bad. All at once.

That you have to force it.

You have to force yourself to find the wins.

On Friday, we got the news we were expecting on my son’s 12 month visit, and it was hard. It was a hard day. But I forced myself to find a win. He took a GREAT nap that day, as I expected him to (thank you vaccines! 🙃), my 4 year old spent all day coloring me pictures, and my 6 year old had a great day at school.

It was a hard day, but I was able to find the good in it. The small wins.

Tomorrow is Monday, which means I have therapy. ALONE. No one is coming with me this week. And normally I don’t care when someone comes with me, but damn has it been a rough few weeks. So, yes. Therapy tomorrow is a win.

I spent all morning cleaning, despite the pain, and being productive. And then, just now, my husband went out with all 3 kids to get them some new art supplies.

Alone time? Time to rest my body?

The biggest win of all.

This week will be hard. It will be hard in different ways than it has been, but hard nonetheless less. Tuesday will be…possibly the hardest day of my entire life. My son’s life is quite literally being threatened by the progression of his neuromuscular disease.

This season of life is all about taking the wins as they come. No matter how big, or small.

I’m trying to force myself to be more positive, despite the actual tragedies happening around me.

My relationships feel a lot more secure than they have the past few weeks, I’ve had some really, really great and productive talks with my best friend, and honestly, that helped a ton. I’m so grateful for the relationships in my life that allow honest and vulnerable communication to exist.

So that’s where my head is now. Shit is hard. It always will be.

Find the wins anyway.

By the way, did I even ever share these pictures of Atlas from his birthday?!?!

He’s a win. Every day I get to spend with him is a win.