Welcome to the chaos

If you’ve ever lived a life of chaos…of noise and people and more noise and just LITERALLY complete and utter chaos…you might feel like I do, and be hesitant to welcome people into your home.

Well, a few days ago, I received this email from my kids therapist.

So…a therapist I’ve known for a relatively short amount of time, really just a few months now…wants to come to my house…to see the kids….in their environment.

The chaotic, loud, people and (2) dogs filled environment. (And one of them barks!!!)

Because of the very long story short situation I mentioned recently, the practice she was at suddenly shut down, and all of the therapists there had to quickly shift and adjust. So, she shifted into private practice, and has a week or two between when the lease in the new building starts and when the current building closes.

So, knowing me, and knowing my more or less extreme levels of anxiety and fear of never being seen as good enough or worthy and knowing that my house is simply LOUD and just OH so chaotic…..you’d know that my initial reaction would probably be to want to throw up, and then panic.

Inviting someone into my home?!? My own version of hell. Sure, if the 2 loudest of the 3 children weren’t there, and the dog that barks (my doggo, mind you, and he’s my favorite) and my parents weren’t there…sure. That would be fine. Then, there would be NO chaos.

But, she literally wants to enter the pure and unfiltered chaos that my household is.

So, yes. You’d think my initial reaction would be one of complete and utter horror.

But it wasn’t.

This is my kids therapist. This is someone who I see as a huge potential source of support for my family.

If she wants to witness our life first hand? Fucking go for it.

This is them. These are my kids. My dysfunctional, loving, yes…but loud, crazy, quite chaotic children.

They’re your problem now, therapist!!!

Ahahahahaha.

WELCOME TO THE SHIT SHOW!!!!!

I’m kidding. I know it won’t actually be bad. And I do genuinely think that her coming to our house will be an incredibly invaluable tool in their therapeutic relationship. After all, a HUGE part of what therapy means for my sons (almost 7 and almost 5) is navigating their relationship with each other.

Their relationship with each other doesn’t get any more raw or accurate than it is in our house.

I wasn’t at all anxious or worried about the thought of this. I immediately saw it as the opportunity that it was, and I’m actually pretty anxiously excited for it.

It will absolutely be chaos. And loud. And the 2 of them will be together for the first day.

Did I mention that she’s coming twice? 2 days in a row? Yeah. She sees both kids. So, today, she’ll see them together first thing in the morning, and then tomorrow she’ll just see my (almost) 5 year old. I’m ver much more so looking forward to tomorrow than I am today….my son with his older brother is a COMPLETELY different person than he is when older brother is at school.

And both versions of him are very true to himself. The child that he is when he’s alone, and the ball of chaos and loudness that they are when they’re together.

I’m definitely slightly nervous for this morning.

Nervous in the sense that maybe she has no idea what she’s about to walk into, and she might be completely overwhelmed or whatever.

Whatever it is it is. I know this is a really good opportunity…and hey. If she wants to experience the chaos firsthand, who am I to stop her!