Everything can change.

Yesterday morning was a completely normal morning.

Until it wasn’t.

Until it would become one of those moments that none of us would ever forget, that would have a forever long impact.

I left my house at 7:15am. Dropped my 7 year old off at school at 7:31am. Got gas, I was on E. Continued on to drive the baby, our 15 month old, to his first of his biweekly PT sessions. Pulled in at 7:50am. Great. 10 minutes of “free time”. Time to write.

Started editing the blog post I had written the night before. Altering it, making sure it said what I wanted it to say from having written it the night before. Quite a rough night, might I add.

7:52am.

Get a call from my husband.

The kind of call I’m expecting every single time he calls me.

The one telling me he’s not okay. He’s been in a car crash. He’s hurt. Something is wrong.

That’s the call I expect every single time.

And that’s the call I received yesterday morning.

He called me. I’m sitting in my car. Just opened the WordPress (Jetpack) app.

He says one word. One.

My name.

He said my name.

And I knew that this is the phone call I’ve been dreading for the past 8 years.

My nightmares warned me of this moment.

I’ve been subconsciously ready for it. Knowing it would become a very real experience. The one I was the most afraid of.

I don’t know how to say this in words that make sense.

He got into an accident. But…not really.

A deer hit him.

Yes.

That’s what I said.

A deer hit HIM.

He did not hit the deer. A deer ran full fucking force at his moving vehicle. It ran, not in front of him. It ran through his fucking drivers side window.

My husband took a head on collision with a deer. Who fucking decided to enter his car. Via the window.

The side view mirror, somehow, got thrown into his car. I guess the deer hit that full force as well.

We believe that is what hit my husband in the face the hardest. It then proceeded to fly through the car.

Somehow, not only was his window shattered, the back right passenger side window was also completely shattered.

And, guys. Do you know what?

Do you know how much FUCKING HAIR A FUCKING SUICIDAL DEER LEAVES BEHIND???!

A lot. The answer is a lot.

Someone, please tell me what possessed this stupid fucking deer to invite itself into my husbands car.

The phone call with him did not go well. He told me he was bleeding. A lot. He told me that he hit a deer. I didn’t know what that meant until later…that he didn’t hit it, it hit him.

Luckily, it happened right down the road from our house. He was kind of in shock, but was able to turn around and drive back home. He told me to have my dad meet him outside with a towel.

I called my dad kind of urgently. I told him to go meet him outside with a towel. And to keep my 5 year old son who was still at home away. I didn’t want him to see anything.

My dad met him outside with a towel….and was completely shocked with what he ended up seeing.

It was bad. I’ll spare you the pictures, unless you want them.

There was blood EVERYWHERE.

He had huge shards of glass embedded in his face. His eyebrow had an enormous chunk of glass.

The glass had deer hair embedded in it as well. All in his face.

My dad drove him to the hospital after he gets a tiny bit cleaned up and changed his clothes.

I meet them there with the baby.

A lot of blood and glass and deer debris later…the bleeding stops.

A CT scan shows he has a broken bone in his face. A broken frontal sinus

He’s still bleeding out of his mouth and nose at this point. From his face being broken. Luckily, the surgeon comes in and says the break doesn’t require surgery. The only good news of the day.

The baby finally fell asleep by the 4th hour we were there. A relief for everyone. He was getting grumpy and I was worried about how I was going to deal with him on top of my husband.

The car is totaled. We don’t have insurance on it. We were set to go to the car insurance place yesterday to reinstate it. Literally yesterday. Oh well.

My husband will be home for a while recovering.

I was careful and intentional and present when telling my very complicated 7 year old son after picking him up from school. I know it will be a conversation he’d remember for the rest of his life. And I needed to get it right.

I’m confident that I did.

I’ll spare you from the graphic pictures and leave you with this one. I assure you, the angle of this picture makes it looks significantly better than it really is.

Honestly, he got lucky. He got fucking lucky. That huge shard of glass that got embedded in his eyebrow could have easily gone into his eye.

He easily could’ve gotten knocked off the road and crashed into something else. Or the other car that the deer just barely missed before running into my husband.

He could’ve easily died. It was bad. It still is bad. But I know it could’ve been worse.

I’m still worried about a brain bleed. He’s still bleeding out of his nose and mouth even 24 hours later.

I’m afraid to hug him or look at him.

He’s trying to reassure me and I’m trying to reassure him and fucking no one is actually being honest about how we’re feeling and all I want to do is fucking break down and be honest and hug him and tell him how scared I was and still am but I can’t because that would be selfish and he doesn’t need to know how I feel.

That’s how I feel. That’s what I want.

I’m not okay.

He’s not okay.

It’ll be fine, eventually, I hope.

But right now, I’m not okay.

I have to be strong for everyone.

And I do not feel strong. I’ve run out of strength to offer everyone else.

And his phone call keeps replaying in my head.