Ya know that feeling where you have so much going on in your head and in your heart…and you’re just so desperate to talk to someone, to get it all out…to verbally explode the shit storm that’s been building up inside of you….but there’s no one there?
That’s how I feel right now. Like, I desperately need to get all of this out. All the thoughts, all the fears…everything that’s been building up inside of me is just bursting. But no one is there.
It’s a very panicky feeling. The worst one in the world. This…loneliness.
Last night was rough. I felt so incredibly alone, and I told my husband he was making me feel even more alone. I pushed him away, and I don’t know. It just perpetuated itself.
I drank way too much, way too fast to compensate for how I was feeling and I just…I don’t want to be in this cycle anymore. The nights have been scaring me, and I know it’s just because everything feels so unsafe right now.
There’s nothing in my life that feels stable or safe or reliable…it’s just all scary.
And sometimes, when things feel as scary as they are, you need people. A person. Something. Someone just to show up and make you feel less alone.
It’s the worst feeling in the world. When you want to reach out, but you don’t know how. Or to who. Because you don’t want to bother them, burden them.
So you sit with it. And it doesn’t get better, it doesn’t go away.
It just feels scary.
I need someone to ground me sometimes too. I need someone to be there for me too. And I wish I didn’t always have to ask.
Love you! Hugs!
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