I’m definitely in a bit of a rut right now. I feel like ever since Monday I’m just a certain type of off that I just can’t shake. And it isn’t a feeling that I love.
I’m trying to shake it off and not let it get me down, but I’m telling you, I just don’t feel good. It just feels like…depression. I don’t know. It definitely got triggered and I just feel completely blah.
I’m doing my best and I’m trying to fight back before it does what it does best and completely absorbs me, but that’s always easier said than done.
Drinking did not go well last night after a triggering conversation with my husband left me feeling just…vulnerable. And sad.
It had nothing to do with him really, I just kind of told him what happened on Monday night in therapy that made it kind of go to shit. And what we needed to do to fix it. So we’ll do that, and everything will be great.
This morning Atlas has a GI appointment and I’m just hoping they’re not going to tell me that he needs a G-tube. It’s the thing I’ve been fighting him getting for nearly his entire life. But I think this appointment might be the appointment where I’m told that we’re out of time and we have to do it.
Despite it all, I do feel like my husband and I are in a really good place. I feel like we’re just on the same page and fighting the same fight. Which, when the rest of the world is so hard and feels so dark, feels really good.
Anyway, here’s the current progress of the blanket I’m making. It’ll probably take me months to finish, I decided to make it HUGE with a really thin yarn and a kind of intricate stitch, but I’m happy with it so far.
Am I using crocheting to combat depression by distracting my hands and brain at the same time? Yes, yes I am. But it’s working, so…🤷🏻♀️
