Sad Sunday Vibes

Sunday vibes hit so much harder now. I used to have a reason to look forward to the end of a Sunday. Sure, it meant the end of the weekend, but it led to a Monday.

And Mondays used to hold hope for me.

Mondays meant therapy, meant hope, meant support, meant a safe space for me to be me. A place to prioritize myself and my needs.

2 hours a week for me.

Last Sunday was brutal. Monday was as well. My first week of a new fucked up normal.

I hoped this week would be easier, but so far, it’s proving to be just as challenging.

I know the answer is not alcohol…leaning on the thing to numb the pain, to silence the thoughts, to douse the burn. Or at least, so you think. But it doesn’t do any of that. Even if it seems to at first. It’ll just end up hurting me in the long run. Or when all the feelings bubble over just mere hours later.

I’m feeling pretty fucking betrayed tonight. And as the sun sets on this Sunday, my mood seems to darken with it.

Sunday never felt like they do for over people to me, who grieve to the end of the weekend. They always felt…closer to Monday. Closer to my night. Closer to the one thing that I had for me.

And to have that just be ripped away from me….?

Yeah. It fucking sucks.

I’m pretty in my head tonight. And the pull towards alcohol feels stronger than ever. And I’m having trouble distracting myself out of those thoughts.

The darkness wants to take over right now. I imagine tomorrow will be even harder. And I honestly don’t know if I’m strong enough to get through the day without some words being said.

I’m not sure whose best interest she thought getting rid of me would be in, but it sure as fuck was not mine.