Who ordered this flare up?

Ugh. I should’ve seen it coming a few days ago when I completely ran out of spoons, and have been at maybe 1 or 2 a day ever since.

But, alas. Here we are. Properly seated in a flare up.

Everything hurts, the brain fog is dense is shit, and I feel pretty horrible.

Think…the body aches from the flu but without the sickness. Or like…you just did the hardest workout of your life after not working out for a while…and the next day you can hardly move.

That’s how a flare up feels for me. Everything is swollen, and stiff, and just hurting. The brain fog is like the most dense fog you can imagine, and the visibility is so nonexistent that if you were to hold your arm out straight in front of you, you wouldn’t be able to see your hand.

There’s no telling how long a flare up will last for me. Anywhere from a few days to a few months. It’s been a while since I had a months long flare up, probably about a year. I’m hoping it doesn’t turn in to that, but there’s no way to tell other than just riding out the storm.

Luckily, the schedule is on my side right now. 2 out of 3 kids are in school with no days off or holidays, no one is sick (at the moment), and my obligations aren’t excessively physically demanding.

I’ll take any small win, even if they’re simple like that.

I did manage to get ALL of the laundry folded and put away this weekend, which was a huge win for me. Again, the buildup of clean clothes that had yet to be folded and put away should’ve been an indicator for me that we were about to enter a true flare up.

I have therapy tomorrow, and I’m definitely appreciative of that. I’m definitely taking a hit mentally as well as physically right now, you really just can’t help but to be impacted in one area when the other goes to shit.

Right now, all I can do is ride out the storm. I don’t have any choice or another option in the matter.

It is what it is. It sucks, absolutely. But other than accept the hand I’ve been given and adapt within my new limitations…you’re fighting a losing battle.

Chronic illness is a bitch. But it’s the hand I’ve been dealt. And all I can do is deal with it and get through it.

Rest, good food, and living within my current limitations. That’s it, that’s the plan. It sucks, but I’m grateful to know myself enough to know my way through the hard times when they do show up.