It doesn’t end, does it

This flare up has been truly unimaginable. I feel like it’s taken everything from me.

The past few weeks have been nothing but pain and hurting and…just trying to survive.

My joints hurt, my head hurts, my body hurts, my nerves hurt.

My freaking soul hurts.

This summer has kicked my ass. Physically, emotionally and every way in between.

The heat is trying to take my animals out, and it’s certainly taking me out with how much time I’m spending trying to make sure they’re safe and happy.

I’m struggling so badly just to stay alive. Honestly my body is fighting me more than anything else. I feel like I’m just not compatible with life anymore.

The pain is making the hopelessness worse, and I’m sure the e hopelessness is probably not helping with the pain.

On top of that, I’m home alone with all 3 kids 24/7 because my husband does nothing but work. I’m grateful to him for working hard…but I need a fucking break. I can’t keep going at this rate.

I don’t know. I’m just sad. And overwhelmed. And in pain.

I don’t want things to be bad, I don’t want to be hurting…and I don’t want to be so sad and angry and broken all the time.

I need a break. Or a vacation. Something. I just need to escape.

I’m afraid to write because I’m afraid of how truly broken I feel. I don’t want to give up. But I just feel like this is never going to end.