Just like that, all the “anger” fell way to massive self loathing and a pretty horrific depression. The dam broke, and all of the tape and glue holding me together for the past week just… came undone.
And I realized that everything I’ve always thought about myself is exactly as true as I thought it was. Although these thoughts have mostly vanished over the past few years, here we are.
I am toxic. I am cancer. People always give up on me because I’m worthless. There’s nothing good about me. I can’t do anything right.
No one cares about me.
I am alone.
Unfortunately, this pretty large sized breakdown did come at around 11pm last night and disallowed any sort of sleep from happening until after 2am.
So, one massive breakdown and 4 hours of sleep later, I’m feeling like absolute complete shit.
I am exactly as worthless as I thought I was. And I don’t know why I ever tried to convince myself otherwise.
I’m hopeless. I’m awful. And I’m not a person worth knowing or associating with.
Otherwise, my therapist of an actual literal decade wouldn’t have just up and gotten rid of me without even the slightest bit of remorse or conversation.
Am I angry? Maybe. Maybe I am on some level. But we all knew that was covering up a lot of hurt as well.
And oh boy is that hurt starting to really pour through.
Fuck this.
I’m sure you are not worthless, hopeless, bad, or any of the other things your thinking about yourself, what your therapist did was wrong, but it wasn’t your fault! Sending you a ton of hugs 😘
I know, it just really sucks a lot 😞
What Carol Anne said. You’re definitely WORTHY! You are loved, and you matter so much in this life.
I hate it that you’re feeling so shitty right now. I wish you wouldn’t allow somebody else this kind of power over your self-worth.
Sending you kind vibes and a big hug 🫂
I just wish this wasn’t another thing I needed to go through right now 😥