relationship

All or nothing

She’s right, I am all or nothing. It feels good or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t feel good now, it must never have felt good. Laying next to me like a stranger instead of holding me like a friend. It isn’t his fault. I’m sure it’s mine. It always is. Right? Tonight did not …

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For people who suck at Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day. A relatively useless day in general, but even more so when your wedding anniversary is less than 1 week later. Tonight my husband and I will do nothing more special than DoorDashing our favorite local Sushi place. I think it’s somewhat of a tradition we started years ago when we went there …

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“Please love me through it”

There’s a very real possibility that within the next few weeks, I will absolutely (temporarily) become the very the worst version of myself. As of this moment, I have not got more than…25?hours sober in…years. I’ve pushed, I’ve tried, I’ve extended the zone…but let’s be real. It’s been years since I’ve ever been more than …

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The toxicity of self hatred

Oh, this post can end up going so many different ways. I feel so many things right now. Front and center is self hatred. I feel like a fucking diasaster right now. I’m completely aware of the level of fucked up that I am. Like, I would literally rather die than live with the knowledge …

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