Okay. I’m going for it tonight. It’s only 8pm, and I’m hurting like hell right now, but I’m going to try to make tonight the night where I don’t drink anything. I’ve tapered down for the past 3 nights as much as I could. But tonight, between the significant cravings and the physical withdrawal symptoms, […]
A real day 1. So far. Read More »
Here we are at night number…1? Still zero? Two? I honestly don’t know. Last night I decided to take a small, tiny, half of a step to really try getting sober. Again. So I drank half of my usual amount, despite knowing how much it would suck for me. And oh, how it sucked. After
Small steps are still steps Read More »
Here we are. Another day zero. Must be the millionth one. I wasn’t trying today, not in any significant way. But I have been trying for months now. It just feels so unreasonably unattainable. Like, no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try…I will fail. Tonight was a start. Maybe my first
Day 0, but a recommitment. Read More »
Why not add a little more madness into the mix? Today is the first day of spring break, which will last all the way until next Tuesday. A lovely 11 days straight with all the kids. Now, I love my kids. But does that mean I want to be home with all 3 boys for
Preparing for the unpleasant Read More »
My depression right now currently does not care about me. Not about what I need, not about what I want, and not about how I feel. It doesn’t care if I isolate myself to the point of not existing anymore. It doesn’t care if the pain inside of my head and my hurt make me
Depression doesn’t care Read More »
The past 6 days have honestly been the most wild whirlwind of events and roller coasters that I’ve experienced in quite some time. Okay, here’s the deal. It’s March. Which means, it’s birthday month. Technically, yes. My birth son’s birthday is in April…April 4th. But the entire lead up to it is in March, which
Ready to fight, almost ready to hope. Read More »
This is a hard season, I’m not going to lie. My mind has been messy for a minute now, the trauma of the past year, and really all of it in general, is catching up to me. I’ve been holding on, fighting a winless fight for a long time now. This time of year isn’t
Losing battles, winning wars Read More »
Lately, the hurt hurts. And it hurts really fucking badly. I feel like I don’t have even the most fleeting of moments to catch my breath. To catch up. To…..nullify or lessen even an ounce of the hurt. The days are so long, and the nights have felt even longer. Nightmare, after nightmare, after nightmare.
I just need a second Read More »
My lovely brain is such a beautiful mess. A creative, captivating space, craving to be engaged, longing for meaning, connection…substance. Substance in the form of something meaningful. Something that means something. More than the surface level interaction. A way to connect. A way to engage. Connect my messy but uniquely beautiful brain waves to yours.
The path to connection Read More »
This week has been a massive variation of highs and lows, and I can honestly say I’m just so glad that it’s finally Saturday. And that I can’t wait for therapy on Tuesday. Overall, I’m feeling pretty okay this morning. I have the entire house to myself for a least a good few hours, and
I will always show up for them Read More »
