I couldn’t talk about it. I don’t know how to. I can answer questions, but even that is clumsy and hesitant.
I don’t know which way to go here. This isn’t something that’s going to go away. This isn’t a person that I can avoid.
My go to response is to ignore and avoid.
This isn’t something I can do that with. This person is in my face. They are a constant. They are loved.
This will happen again. This won’t stop. I know it. The boundary has been pushed on their end. There is no going back.
I don’t know how to talk about this, and I don’t know what to do.
It didn’t go how I wanted, but it went exactly how I expected.
I just don’t know how to do this. Maybe I’m weak. Maybe I’ve had enough, maybe I just fucking need help with this. To be pushed, understood, I don’t fucking know.
I don’t know what’s right. I don’t know the right path. I always seem to choose the wrong one when it comes to this.
I just wish someone would fucking help me through it. But I don’t even know what that would look like.
Maybe I can just keep convincing myself that things are fine, that nothing happened, that nothing is wrong.
One of these days that strategy just has to work, right?
I wish I didn’t feel so completely defeated.