Missing out on memories

I’ve been told “go home and enjoy them” more times than I can count.

I’ve been told “there’s nothing we can do, we’ll know more as the disease progresses” over and over.

My future, our future, is uncertain. I grieve the memories I will miss out on. Will they live long enough to really….live? Does a future even exist? Does mine? There are so many unanswered questions.

I grieve for the future on far too many days. The thoughts an be exhausting and consuming and they make me miserable. Being told to “go home and enjoy them” makes me completely unable to do so. It’s so hard for me to separate it all.

I spend so much time worrying about the future that I truly can’t enjoy the present. It’s hard and it feels unfair.

I’m missing out on the memories forming now because I’m grieving the ones that may never form. This is not the life I thought I would be living.

I just feels so unfair. I feel like I already miss them.

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