We’re here in Disney. My husband, my brother and my parents and I all finally met up and we are together. We are in Disney for the next week and a half, and it feels good. My kids are staying with family members back home.
I’ve noticed lately that I really struggle with happiness. It’s something that seems to really stress me out, I think because I just don’t get it. My life has consistently been so hard and just…ridiculous, that I really don’t have any experience with happiness. So it almost becomes stressful or foreign when I’m placed in a situation (like in Disney World) where there’s just…no reason not to be happy.
We flew last night, stayed in the dingiest off site hotel ever (ugh), and this morning arrived at the Coronado Springs (an on site resort).
Today was…relatively perfect. We went to Epcot and it was completely empty. It was the perfect (imperfect?) combination of covid, hurricanes, flight issues globally, and the upcoming 50th anniversary that has the crowds completely absent.
It was a perfect day. No lines, no crowds, no bad weather…the perfect recipe for “happiness”.
Before I left, we talked about this in therapy, the fact that I just don’t know how to feel happy, if I ever even do. So we set a goal to just pick out moments. Pick out moments where it’s just happiness. Not guilty happiness, not anxious…just….genuine happiness.
I did have a moment of that today, and it was awesome. It didn’t last long, but it felt real.
So for today, this was my moment of genuine, authentic happiness:
We had finally arrived and all was settled. We were (walking on, no wait) our second ride of the day, Soarin’. As soon as I sat down in the ride vehicle, I just felt okay. I felt good. It was early on the day, day 1, but that was it. That was my moment today. And I appreciate that moment more than anything. It was simple, and not a huge event, but just sitting there, feeling like we had finally made it (after all this time), I just honestly felt complete.
Happiness is uncomfortable. It’s foreign and unknown to me. My goal is to find small moments like that for the rest of the trip.
Hopefully, with enough practice with small moments, I can learn to be more comfortable with longer moments…should they choose to present themselves.
So I’ll leave you with this. Some “Joy”. If you also struggle with the concept of “happiness”, maybe do this. Start small. Look for moments, seconds even, and just recognize that feeling. Even if it is fleeting.