I’m sick of this.

Covid has stolen a lot from all of us. Directly or indirectly, it’s messed with all of our lives. In an enormous way.

A few weeks ago, someone close to me lost their husband to it.

One of my best friends is now struggling and fighting for her life because of it. She is in the hospital with covid pneumonia in both lungs now.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.

I am sick of talking about this. I’m sick of feeling it. I am absolutely sick of this being our reality. One of my closest friends very well may die. It isn’t an unreasonable thought. It just happened to somebody else I am close with weeks ago.

People die. Life happens. I get that.

This is different. This is concentrated and painful and scary. I am vaccinated. Everyone in my home is besides my children (who aren’t eligible).

I’ve lived my life in fear for nearly 2 years now. I’ve sheltered, I’ve protected, I’ve obsessed…because of this. Because my children (and myself) are more susceptible than those I know who have lost their battle.

My friend was admitted to the hospital a few days ago, on her birthday. She also happened to lose her son on that day 2 years ago.

We’ve been through a lot together. A lot of (very) late night calls. A lot of holding each other’s pain.

My friend is a diabetic. She is also grieving. 2 years is nothing when you lose a child. Her son was 21 when he died. He had cerebral palsy. We speak of him and think of him often.

My worry isn’t unreasonable. Her and I have gotten each other through a lot over the past 7 years.

She came into my life because even though we have a lot of similar circumstances now, we also shared another very large similarity.

We are both birth moms. We’ve both had children that we placed for adoption. It’s a bond like no other, just for that fact alone. I can’t explain it, but the immediate bond you feel when you meet another birth mom out there…to know that there is someone that just understands that immeasurable amount of pain… it’s rare. And it’s meaningful.

We’ve shared a lot of pain, a lot of late nights, and soooo many happy memories together.

I’m not okay with this. There’s nothing I can do. This is just the world we live in, and that often feels so damn unfair.