There is no pain like missing someone you might never see again.

I wrote a post, tagged it, edited it…it took me hours to write.

But I can’t publish it. Not tonight. I will tomorrow…but those words aren’t quite matching the feelings I have right now.

I miss him. I just miss him so fucking much that it doesn’t make sense.

It hurts. It hurts too much to even comprehend right now. He is so special and so loved….and it terrifies me.

It absolutely fucking paralyzes me with fear.

There is just no feeling in the world like the pain of missing someone.

And I miss him more than any combination of words could ever convey.

There’s no universe where it will ever be okay for me to live without my son.

Because he is. He is my son.

I don’t say that enough. I deny myself of his existence for the protection of others.

But I don’t have 2 children. I have 3.

And it just feels so wrong to be on this earth without him.

(I miss you always…but today, I miss you SO MUCH extra.)

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