It’s okay if Christmas is hard

Everyone gets through these next few days in different ways. It’s easier on some than it is on others.

Holidays bring out the best and the worst in people, sometimes all at once.

Whatever today, tomorrow or next week, means for you, just take it one step at a time.

If Christmas and holidays and family time and conversation and everything that comes along with it brings you joy and happiness and everything good…than that’s great. There’s nothing wrong with feeling happy. Sometimes people forget that.

But, if you feel very different things surrounding the holidays, that’s okay too.

I’m finding myself to be extremely exhausted, burnt out and kind of dreading it.

I love Christmas…except I don’t. I honestly have no idea how to explain it. Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the lights and the joy it brings to a lot of people, it’s just something I look forward to.

Yet at the same time, nothing brings up a deeper sense of sadness than Christmas does.

Maybe it’s just the very thought of seeing happiness come so seemingly easy for others, there’s nothing doubled edged about their happiness.

I love giving and making other people happy, so I guess it’s a holiday that makes sense to me from that standpoint.

But like actually feeling that happiness for myself?

I don’t know how to.

Maybe that’s the part that makes me sad.

Or maybe it’s the fact that every single holiday or special event or…anything involving even the potential for joy to occur has been absolutely massacred by my sister and her existence. She ruins joy on purpose. She can’t handle when the attention isn’t on her, or if God forbid, other people are happy.

So she yells and screams and breaks things just to make sure that we are all as miserable as she is.

I’m sure that has nothing to do with why I struggle.

I wish she wasn’t here this year. I just want to open presents with my husband and kids without her toxic presence. She makes you afraid to smile or show any sort of happiness.

She’ll sniff it out and destroy it.

“Family”should travel for the holidays if all they’re going to do is torture you.

Just saying.

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