I think of you always

Dear son,

It’s just a random Tuesday in early August. There’s no holiday, no birthday coming up…no special date to remark of.

Just another day.

Yet still, I think of you.

I think of you always. Literally, every single day. There isn’t a day that goes by, I promise you…not one…where I don’t think of you.

You don’t just matter to me on days marked with special occasions. You matter to me always.

On days that mean nothing, and on days that mean everything.

You’re my first true love, my first baby, my first forever long heartbreak.

You’re the most important thing that exists in my life.

I carry the significance of you around my neck…a necklace with the moon from the day you were born and an engraving of my saying to you.

You’re the last face I see each night before I close my eyes…you’re pictures resting on my bathroom mirror. The eyes I stare into late at night, when the world is still but my heart still races.

I wonder what you’re doing, I wonder how you’re doing.

I wonder if you think of me too, if you look at us and think of us, like we do you.

There will never be a boy who means more to me than you do.

You are the reason for my pain, and the reason for my strength.

You were the hardest goodbye I have ever had to make. There will likely never be another one that’s harder. I sure hope not, anyway.

I hope that one day, you will become my hardest hello. It will be the most welcomed hello in the entire world, but it will absolutely be hard.

The thoughts of you keep me awake, and I miss you so much that it hurts. It hurts for no good reason, other than the fact that I love you.

And a world where I have to live without you is a world that I consider cruel.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think of you. Not just on specific days…but every single day.

I love you. And I always will.

(((I miss you always, but today I miss you extra)))