The nights end where the mornings begin. Once again, I find my will to be inferior to the demands of alcohol. The constant pull, the alluring nature of its false promises… I know this will help. I’m sure this will take the pain away. This will make it better. I know I’m lying. Alcohol is […]
The constant battle with myself Read More »
You and I are living stories. We all are. Everyone has parts of their story that they don’t like, pages and chapters they wish they could erase. It becomes hard to live in the present, and we frequently try to go back. To relive the past, to do it over. But within that same story,
What if all of it matters? Read More »
Everything hurts, and I need it to stop. I need the world to stop spinning so fast, and I need everything to slow down. I can’t keep up with the speed and intensity of the massive demands that come from taking care of everyone else. The world is crushing me, and I feel like I’m
Does anyone have a lifeboat? Read More »
My son had his 3 year visit with his pediatrician this morning. The appointments that, for typical kids, might last 15 or 20 minutes, takes us an hour to complete. I hate these yearly visits. It’s a brutal reminder of just how….abnormal my life is. When I always seem to convince myself to forget. I
A gentle reminder that my life isn’t “normal” Read More »
Alright guys. This is a hard one for me. If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you might know a bit about my sister. For those of you that don’t know, my “sister” is essentially the bane of my existence. She is 9 years older than me, and has literally tortured and abused me
Let’s talk about Forgiveness Read More »
This is currently the story of my life. Everything can be going…as fine as it can be, I guess, but then the same thing happens nearly every night during the rough phases. My husband wants to go to sleep. I usually agree, because I’m exhausted. But then I start procrastinating, avoiding it at all costs.
When the nights force you to feel the pain you desperately try to avoid… Read More »
I’m just here to say that tonight, I definitely didn’t fuck up therapy. And I am, in fact, proud of myself for it. I didn’t shut down, and I tried to stay present and …focused? Okay, well, I did spend quite a while procrastinating with stories about random events from the past few days…and then
When you DIDN’T mess up in therapy! Read More »
Tomorrow brings another Tuesday. A 2 hour therapy day…and one that I desperately need to NOT completely fuck up again. I have something along the lines of…hope(?) that maybe I can just like…be normal? Which, of course, means going in there and being sarcastic and light and not serious at all about anything because I’m
The dreaded tomorrow Read More »
You’d think I’d be good at this “therapy” thing by now. Especially since I’ve been with my current therapist for something like 6 years now…which that in and of itself is nothing short of a miracle. I’ll never say enough good things about her, and she’s done a stellar job at keeping me alive. (Good
How do you talk about the hard things in therapy? Read More »
Today was fine until it wasn’t. We had my sons birthday party today…but tomorrow he turns 3. I was fine. I did all the things and I tried to keep it together…. And I did. But then they went to bed. And I still thought I was fine. But now we’re inching towards midnight, and
When birthdays bring grief Read More »
