I don’t feel like Mondaying today

The Monday after a holiday weekend is always harder than a “regular” Monday.

Yesterday was Greek Easter, so we celebrated that with the kids and then went to have dinner with our family. Any time there’s a holiday, it leaves me feeling way too spent and drained. Like, the amount of effort and energy that it sucked out of me was way more than I had to give.

I take the word “introvert” to an extreme, so holidays….? Yeah. We don’t tend to mix too well. I’d rather just have a quiet Sunday dedicated to recharging and refueling for the week to come.

This morning my 5 year old has to get casted for a new pair of AFOs, and they have PT later. I’m already exhausted thinking about the day, even though it really isn’t too far out of the realm of normal for a Monday around here.

I wish it was a therapy day for me, too, instead of just PT for my kids, but that comes tomorrow.

I was supposed to have a ….difficult and sensitive conversation with my husband before I had therapy next, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to say the words.

In therapy on Friday, we sort of discussed how to fix my trauma in regard to sex and anything like that, and the first step was to have a conversation with my husband about it. But that has been…difficult. I don’t want to talk about it and I certainly don’t want to have to tell him something that might hurt him, or might make him feel a certain type of way.

I wish there was a way to work through my sexual trauma without having to completely stop everything to do with that. Not for my sake, but for his. I just don’t want him to feel unloved or unworthy or not good enough. I don’t want him or our relationship to suffer in any way, even if that means it comes at a cost to me.

Sometimes I wish the answers were simpler, more straightforward. But I know that’s rarely how life works.

If my 5 year old can start off his day by getting casts put on his feet, I know I can handle whatever my day throws at me, too. Even if I feel too exhausted to function at all.

Here’s the picture we shared from yesterday when we finally announced our pregnancy! And yes…we are having another boy!