You know my best friend? The one that I wrote this post to?
Well, I miss her. Quite a bit. She’s pregnant now, with her first baby. She just found out they’re having a girl. I’m happy for her.
Truly and genuinely….I am happy for her. I’m happy she’s having a girl, because it gives me an excuse to by girl things. (Hello, boy mom).
But I miss her. I miss her a lot. I miss the her that is my best friend. The her that’s been with me for over 20 years. I’ve had kids, I’ve been pregnant 3 times now…and I’ve still always needed and wanted her. There’s nothing wrong, we’re not any different than we ever were…
But now that she’s pregnant…..it feels different.
I know what it’s like to have your first baby. Your first pregnancy. While mine was traumatic…hers is not.
Hers will (hopefully) end into exactly what you’d expect. A baby. Late, long, miserable nights. Which turn into so much more.
Right now, she’s pregnant. And that’s her priority. As it should be.
But I fucking miss her. And I’m so afraid of things changing. Of becoming…unimportant to her. Useless. A burden. Something to “deal with”, instead of someone she enjoys talking to, or someone who can help her.
She’s always been a person who….has support. Her family is, and always will be, supportive of her. Shit, they’ve always been supportive of me. I’ve always considered her family to be more my family than my own.
So when I say she doesn’t need me? She doesn’t. She’ll never need me in the way that I need her. And honestly, I’m grateful for that. Because I’d hate for her to ever feel how I do…or even close.
I’ve always loved how we’ve never grown apart. We grow together, or at least alongside another. But we’ve never grown apart. And I guess I’m just hoping that doesn’t change now.
And who knows…maybe I end up getting pregnant too, and this is another journey we can go on together.
She’s always had my back, and I’ll always have hers.
I just hate that I miss her so much right now. I don’t want us to change, even though it inevitably will. I’m not one to exactly…..embrace change. It terrifies me, and it probably always will.
I don’t want to lose her, and I hope she still has space for me in her life after her little girl is here. I already love that baby so much….
I wonder if she knows that.