Chicks and kids in the dark

It’s day 2 with no power, and from the looks of it, I’m not expecting it to be on any time soon. They haven’t even cleared the trees that are on top of the down lines, so there’s still some work to be done.

Since we have (now 12) baby chicks in my bathroom, and no power…that has been a struggle. Baby chicks need to be kept pretty much at 95 degrees, otherwise they will die. So we’ve been keeping them warm with kerosene lanterns and hand/body warmers. My bathroom now feels like a fucking sauna. But it’s worth it to keep them healthy. And plus, there’s not much cuter than a warm and happy pile of chicks.

I’m still feeling really uneasy about everything. Right now, I’m pretty much in survival mode. Entertaining a 5 year old and 3 year old in the dark is always a challenge. My 5 year old is a champ, as long as his audiobook player stays charged up and he has his lantern, and his puzzles, he’s good to go.

My 3 year old, however, would much prefer the lights to be on. Especially since his sound machine isn’t working, and he has trouble sleeping without it. So he’s a pretty grumpy boy.

And I’m just hungry. My pregnant self isn’t doing well with not having any food in the house or being able to open the fridge/freezer. So I’ve been surviving off the surplus of fruit and soups that we had. I’d love to actually, you know, do the human things like take a shower and eat a proper meal, but when you’re in survival mode, you take what you can get. And you give the kids all the best stuff first.

I’ve been trying harder to connect with my husband instead of pushing him away. Tonight we’re going to the movies to see The Secrets of Dumbledore, so I’m excited about that. Come on, I have a kid named Phoenix, you had to know I was going to go on opening night!

I’m doing…decently well for being in survival mode. Hopefully the movie theatre has power and I’m able to actually get a decent meal while we’re there! I swear, hunger is not a feeling I’m used to having.

Last night the nightmares kicked my ass and my husband said I stopped breathing in my sleep a few times. The scariest nightmares are the ones that actually feel real, that have that kind of emotion right there attached to it.

Amongst the worst things that I’m currently feeling numb about is my kids health. Its noticeably declining, and it scares me. My older son has severe contractures (extreme tightness) in his feet that have become so bad, we’re now faced with the nightmare of surgical intervention. He’s been using his wheelchair a lot more, even just around the house while he’s playing. So I know he’s hurting a lot. He’s only 5. And it wouldn’t be a one time procedure, he’d likely need it repeated multiple times throughout his life. So that’s ….scary for me to think about. I hate it for him. I’ve had something like 12 orthopedic surgeries myself, so I know what he’s up against.

I’m numb, and I’m scared, but I’m trying. I’m surviving. So I guess that’s all that matters, all I can do.

One day at a time…right? If only the fucking nightmares would stop…