Self sabotage is the name of the game, isn’t it? It’s been the topic of conversation in therapy for a while now, and it’s something I do pretty automatically.
Self sabotage is basically when you undermine your own success. You get in your own way, and you create your own obstacles.
Eating a slice of cake when you’re trying to lose weight, procrastinating, spending more money than you have to spend, drinking too much, avoidance…things like that.
I have been self sabotaging myself in one way or another for as long as I can remember. I don’t know why I do it, and I honestly don’t even know all of the ways in which I do it. One of the things we’re working on in therapy right now is bringing more self awareness to when and how I self sabotage and making it more of a conscious thing.
“You can’t change what you don’t know you’re doing” or something like that.
Probably not being, or not wanting to be aware, of all the ways I self sabotage, is a way of self sabotaging on its own. I’d rather stick my head in the sand, I’d rather not know all of the ways I’m a terrible person…I guess I just want things to be magically all better. But I know that’s not how this works.
I want to do the work, but sometimes I get frustrated if I don’t know exactly how to. And guess what I do then…I self sabotage. I don’t want to fail, I especially don’t want to fail when I’m really, really trying…so I put obstacles in my way and I guess I make sure that I cause myself to fail. Because that would be better than if I had tried and failed anyway. At least then, I can blame myself.
I know it doesn’t make sense, I guess it rarely does. But I’m going to spend the next few days trying to be more aware of it and more conscious of it.
Like I said, I think I really don’t even know all of they ways that I do sabotage myself, but I know the list is plentiful.
I don’t like failing. I don’t like being bad at things. But I guess, in some ways, it’s easier to cause myself to fail, rather than just failing after putting in a true and genuine effort.
One step at a time. Step one, becoming more aware of it. Ugh. Easier said than done, perhaps.
I’m so guilty of this as well. People always told me I could not do it… So in order to “please them”, I think I sabotaged myself all the time… And I still do it!
I’ve recently started paying more attention to what I do to make myself fail. And it’s sneaky little things that seem meaningless and harmless on their own. But add those to me intending to fail and they make sure I’ll succeed in not succeeding. If this makes any sense. 😂
I hope you can also start to realize how you sabotage your hard work, so that you can try to prevent it when you feel it’s happening. For me, it’s hard, so I imagine it may be difficult for you as well. But we got this 💪🏼
Have a fabulous weekend dear 🌻
Yes, they definitely do feel small and meaningless! …until they don’t. It’s hard to notice all of the little ways, but it’s good to bring the self awareness to it.
Yes that’s so true. I do hope we’ll both be able to beat this self destruction and I am very sure that we will do this 💪🏼. We have the right support, the positive mindset and we’re strong. We got this! 💪🏼
Have a fabulous Sunday 🌸