Another anxious Monday

Another Sunday evening where the anxiety builds and builds, spilling over into a Monday morning.

The weekend was atypical, and I’ve spent the past few days on edge. It started on Friday, when my husband and I took my 5 year old to his specialist appointment a few hours away to get another echo and see a new doctor for his heart. He has left ventricular enlargement, and we heard a lot of scary words. Heart failure, medication, cardiac MRIs…not the best report. But it wasn’t unexpected.

On the way home from the appointment, we found of my mom tested positive for Covid. Since then, my husband and dad have also tested positive. The kids and I have so far avoided it, but I fear it’s only a matter of time.

To be honest, I have no freaking idea what this week holds. Do we all get sick? Do I go into labor? Can I survive any of this? Will anything ever be okay again???

I’m entering my last few days and weeks of “normalcy” before we have this baby…and let me tell you, it feels anything but normal.

The icing on top of the cake is that I don’t have even have therapy this week. I guess it’s a good thing that this happens to be a week that we didn’t have anything, that way if I did get sick, I wouldn’t feel bad about cancelling…but still. I just want things to be normal. I want life to be normal. For as long as it can…I just want it to feel normal.

This weekend wasn’t “restful” or relaxing like I hoped it would be. I spent most of it trying to avoid people and keep the kids safe…and entertained. Of course it’s worth it if in the end, my efforts were successful and the 3 of us stay healthy…but for now, it almost feels like a lost cause.

I just can’t shake this anxiety and feeling of uncertainty right now. It’s scary, and I don’t like it. I’ve already cancelled therapy for the kids for the next few days, but I’m really just hoping they don’t get it. And that I don’t go into labor until this passes. My mom is still feeling really sick, and at this point we think it’s turned into a secondary infection. I feel really bad for her and wish she wasn’t feeling so bad. My husband is feeling pretty miserable today, too.

Ugh. This all just sucks.

Anyway…enjoy this just absolutely lovely candid picture that my husband took of me last night. Yes, I look fantastic. And by fantastic, I sure do mean huge and disheveled, but that’s ok. We try to keep it real here. 34 weeks down…who knows how many more to go.